Lead Balloon

No rest for the weary bottoms
May 26, 2006, 12:17 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

In the bathroom at my office, the toilet seat protectors are branded "Rest Assured".

Does this mean that people lie in bed at night, restless, not able to sleep, because they were forced to use a public restroom without a seat protector?

Or does it mean that as you're laying that thin, useless piece of paper on the toilet seat, sitting down onto it, taking care of your business, you're supposed to feel as if that 1-15 minutes spent there was very restful and relaxing?

I would rather put my fat cheeks on a sturdy, porcelain toilet seat than fear that my body might slide off of it by way of a slick plastic sheet of paper. For some reason, I'd rather have my skin on that seat than on the floor around it. I'd rather sit there and risk getting whatever it is people think they can get from a toilet seat than risk, when done with my business, pulling some of that seat cover up, and wedging it between my panties and rear end, for all the world to see.

Clearly, I'm not resting. Or assured.

Happy Friday.


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