Lead Balloon

Poor Anna
March 26, 2007, 4:28 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I get these “CNN Breaking News” update emails. I signed up for them right after 9/11. Actually on 9/11. Anyway, I keep up with late, breaking news that way. Because late, breaking news is what we live for, right? No.

I find out all I need to know about the Anna Nicole Smith case via these breaking news emails because Todd refuses to let me watch anything on TV about it. Well, I can watch what I want. But if I want to spend time with him at home, in front of the TV together, shows like “Entertainment Tonight” or E! shows, or whatnot…those are forbidden.

So today the email says that “accidental drug overdose” was the cause of her death. That truly is sad – death is sad. Death is especially tragic when there’s a newborn baby involved who is not only left without a mother but with so many people wanting to be her father. She’s famous. Famous because there are so many people who could quite possibly be her father. Poor thing.

I’m not making a post about the paternity of that baby, though. This post is about the boil on Anna’s ass that seems to have played a role in her death. THE BOIL. ON HER ASS. In death this woman is still being plagued by the media – every detail of her life – who she sleeps with and how many sexual partners she’s had at one time…and a BOIL ON HER ASS. The autopsy report can be read online, even. You can find out all you want to know about Anna – literally inside and out – just by going online to cnn.com.

Why does the media give us these details, and why do we want it? Supply and demand, I guess. It’s just awful. Those of us who read it are just as guilty as the media for perpetuating the “need to know” machine. And I guess those of us who subsequently write about it on our blogs…we’re just trash.


This just in:
March 23, 2007, 11:57 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Cheeseburger Lean Pockets are NAS-TY. Tastes nothing like a cheeseburger. I don’t know if it’s the “lean” or the “burger” that makes them so bad. And although I ate all of it, it was torture.

The Space Between…
March 22, 2007, 12:54 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I have always loved these last few stanzas of “The Space Between”, Dave Matthews Band.
While I was listening to this song I was wondering if Todd thinks of these last three months, the upcoming six…as “the space between” those years where he had a normal wife. 🙂

The Space Between
Where you’re smiling high
Is where you’ll find me if I get to go

The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I’ll be hiding, waiting for you

The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into…

The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain

Take my hand
‘Cause we’re walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here

The Space Between
What’s wrong and right
Is where you’ll find me hiding, waiting for you

The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we’ll fill with time
The Space Between…

Today is not a good day.
March 22, 2007, 7:32 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night, sometimes in the morning, with a little work-related anxiety. Anxious because I have to travel three out of the four weeks in April. And I’m not excited about it. My anxiety comes from the knowledge that while I’m on these trips, the work doesn’t stop – it will feel like 24 hour work days for almost an entire month. And I’m just not looking forward to it. That, and, I’ve been dealing with some personalities at my new job I’d not anticipated. Doesn’t make me a happy camper.

This morning, I woke up the same way, feeling anxious. I popped out of bed and started work early, and plan to really knock some stuff out today, if for no other reason than to chip off, piece by piece, this mound of anxiety that is sitting on top of me.

Then I went to make myself some cereal. I poured my granola into the bowl, and sliced the banana on top of it. And there was only a drop of milk left in the container. At first, I thought this might send me over the edge…because I’d already gotten up on the wrong side of the bed (I didn’t even mention the stomach issues that are the true culprit for my early morning awakening). Typically I don’t “snap” very easily, but these hormones, people…are taking over my body. Todd shared with me the milk left from his bowl of granola. While normally this would gross me out to no end (milk that had been poured over someone else’s cereal, a while ago?), I took it and planned to take it upstairs and enjoy my breakfast over the development of yet another Information Architecture.

But before I headed upstairs…I decided I needed to use the downstairs bathroom quickly. So I walked into the bathroom, and the toilet seat looks black. Like it has black smudges all over it. I yelled for Todd to come in and look at it, and because he’s a guy and more intuitive about this stuff than me, he looked up. I looked up. There above the toilet, surrounding the light fixture, was a leak. Water. Old water nasty spot. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This bathroom sits directly beneath our master bathroom. You remember? The one where we had to gut and replace the shower completely???? The one we spent tons of money on before we were ever able to move into this house???? The one with the black mold????

Well, we went upstairs to check it out. At the entry to the shower, there is still some linoleum that isn’t tacked down really tightly – simply because tiling the bathroom has been next on the list (for months). Todd reached down and pulled it up a bit. MORE. BLACK. MOLD.

How is this possible? The whole damned shower has been ripped out and replaced and re-tiled. There is no drainage issue. It’s clearly a plumbing issue. And how does one get into the floor and ceiling between those two bathrooms to fix it? Is it a plumber? Then we have to hire a drywall guy to patch it all up? Then I guess a tile guy to come in and fix the flooring? I cannot possibly get my arms around how complicated this thing can be, but I know for certain that it will be. And it will be expensive.

All I can think of…is that I want to get out of this house.
And I wasted a big bowl of granola with bananas, because now I really don’t have the appetite for it.

Happy Spring
March 21, 2007, 9:21 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

If you ask yourself, “Is this going to turn into a pregnancy blog?” you might be answering yourself with, “Well, it wasn’t much of anything before…” Carrying this baby and all that it entails is pretty much the focus of my life right now. Not to mention, since I gave up my pen-and-paper journaling a couple years ago, this is really the only place I chronicle the goings-on of my life anymore. Although, my cousin did buy me this great “Belly Book” where you can track week to week the changes you’re seeing…I’m quite surprised that I’ve been filling that out. Maybe this child will read it one day and wonder why he or she was given such a freakshow mother.

Mostly, my chief complaint this week is that I just look fat and don’t yet look pregnant. To most people, I likely look the same. But I can tell the changes. I’m about to head into that transition period where normal clothes don’t fit anymore, but wearing maternity clothes just makes you look over-anxious. All of this while I’ve got two week-long work trips coming up in April. I have no idea what I’ll wear. We’ll see.

I’m sure Todd’s chief complaint would be that I am a slient-but-deadly bitch from hell. My temper seems shorter, it’s much easier to “get on my nerves” and nothing seems to work right, feel right or smell right. Smells rule my world. Oh, good Lord, the smells.

But it’s not all negative. It’s quite exciting. It’s easier to write about the negative, because it seems to stay top-of-mind sometimes. But there is this sense of amazement that you are GROWING A HUMAN BEING inside your body. It’s a miracle, really. Each week, there’s something new. This week, the baby is fully formed – complete with arms and legs…it finally looks human. I read yesterday that the baby already has fingerprints, which is just amazing. That stuff is definitely cool. Those supernatural miraculous things will seem even more real when I can start to feel stuff and look pregnant. Right now, I just feel like I’ve got a parasite of some sort, the size of a peach…like a tumor…doing stuff inside my abdomen. Pretty cool, though.

Changing the subject here…





Why do all other shows take a back seat to this show? It’s ridiculous. I get all cozied up in the chair to watch one of my favorite shows on DVR, and it’s not there…WHY? Because American Idol needs to run for four hours at a time. There’s no room for other shows with that kind of monopoly going on. I want to sue it.

I believe today is the first day of spring. I love spring. Happy spring.

Luckey Baby Update – 12 weeks, 2 days, 3 hours, 14 minutes.
March 16, 2007, 2:42 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

We have had more sonograms with our first trimester of pregnancy than most women have in the entire course of pregnancy. There was a change in doctors, some perceived complications…but all is well now and I’m finally glad to report the pregnancy and share with you some pictures of the Luckey baby in utero.

8 weeks…
Not much to see here. The live shot showed us the heartbeat for the first time, although we were still unable to hear it. Just a tiny little thing.
Luckey Baby 8 weeks

10.5 weeks…
We were shocked to see this one. After seeing only a tiny blob with a heartbeat, we were amazed to see this baby jumping around and moving its arms and legs like crazy. Todd thought at one point, it gave him the “peace” sign. It could have totally meant “Victory”, though.
Luckey Baby 10.5 weeks

12 weeks…
Today’s sonogram was performed by a perinatologist, who was supposed to have a fancier sonogram machine. I can’t really tell that the shot is better, but again, we saw the baby moving those arms like crazy, with a nice, strong heartbeat. Unfortunately, Todd couldn’t make it to this appointment because of work, but we got this complete sonogram on tape for our viewing pleasure later. I also heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time today.
Luckey Baby 12 weeks

It’s truly amazing. I’ve seen hundreds of sonograms while working for an OB/GYN throughout college. But it’s just not the same when it’s your own. I’ve heard those heartbeats before…but today it was pretty amazing. You likely will not enjoy these photos at the level that I do, but I wanted to share and document nonetheless. For example, it might just look like a blob of a baby surrounded by a bunch of maggots, or a very big brain – that’s what my brother sees.

The first trimester of pregnancy was not kind to me, however it wasn’t as bad for me as it is for most women. I had no morning sickness, excluding that one incident in North Carolina. I’ve had all the normal pregnancy symptoms – tiredness and fatigue especially. I’ve not been crying at the drop of a hat, but then again, I am really not one to cry anyway. I do cry at the conclusion of every “Baby Story” episode when the baby is born and the new daddy is crying. Who doesn’t cry at that?

My emotions have been roller coaster-like though. Not so much sad as scared…and with a temper. Some might say I’ve even been a little “negative”. I agree. But I knew all along that once I made it to this point…where I felt at ease with the pregnancy…that it wouldn’t be taken away from me so easily…that I’d feel better. And I do. I feel like I’m allowed to be excited now. Bloodwork is good, sonograms look good, check-ups going okay…I will sleep like a rock tonight.

No one prepares you for the really weird stuff that happens. Even the baby Web sites don’t give ALL the information up…I’d write about it here, but I’m afraid too many of you would officially quit reading. The biggest surprise to me is the lack of control that you truly have over your life and body. First, the food aversions…those foods which I loved so much prior to becoming pregnant sound about as appetizing as a plate of dog shit. How that happens, I will never know. But it’s true. The way your body changes, and how fast it all happens. There’s all this cramping, which scares you to death…little random pains all over the place, and then the stretching of muscles that are not intended to stretch that way. Don’t even get me started on the boobs. I can just say – these are not my boobs.

Anyway – it’s all coming together. We’re not finding out the sex of the baby, so we have the stress of coming up with two names prior to the delivery. Unfortunately we don’t agree on many of the names we’ve got on the list for boys or girls so far. This could quite honestly turn into a group vote, or we could end up throwing darts at them on the wall. The names we do like, we’ve already given to our animals…so there’s some work to do there.

Mostly I’m thankful that even though I have been a maniacal pig for the past three months…my husband still loves me and takes very good care of me. He’s a saint, really. And he’ll be such a better parent than me, he’s just so patient and kind. I can learn a lot from him.

Stay tuned!

Work is not a beauty contest.
March 15, 2007, 2:18 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

It’s 2:42 pm. I’ve been on conference calls all day today. Finally, I have a break and I am eating an apple and IM-ing with my friend Mary a bit. Something struck me, I felt the need to tell Mary about what I was currently wearing. Not because it’s so great. But because it’s pretty indicative of what I wear every day to work, now that I work from home. And it is awesome. I wanted to share with her what my poor husband has to look forward to coming home to every day. One might wonder if I ever shower or brush my teeth, if fixing my hair or the application of make up is important to me anymore. Sure it is. When someone’s looking. And Todd sees right past all that stuff anyway. At least he says he does.

So I started out this morning in one of my favorite pairs of pajamas. My friend Kelly bought them for me for my birthday a few years ago – they’re an all cotton, white, shirt-and-pants ensemble. The shirt is sleeveless, fits just right (for now) and is perfect for the weather this time of year. God knows I need a pant at night, though – Todd keeps it cold in that bedroom and I can’t stand for my hairy legs to rub up against one another. Drives me crazy!

Well I started my work day and around 9:00 am I started to get a little chilled. So I picked up an off-white thermal shirt that happened to be lying on the floor of my home office. It was there from when it got a little too warm yesterday. Perfect. Instead of removing the one pajama shirt, I just threw this one on over it. It’s not one of those big, loose thermal shirts like Todd has. It’s more form-fitting. You can see a picture of the really fantastic shirt duo here. Gap says that layering is “in” and I agree.

I moved on to breakfast – one of my staples, the frosted strawberry Pop Tart. I’ve been burning them a lot lately (that toaster can be tricky!) but today’s was the perfect amount of toasting and popping on that Pop Tart. What a great concept. How is this relevant to my get-up for the day? Well, I was reminded of the fact that I went to sleep last night without removing my make up when I saw a smear of lipstick on the sleeve of my thermal shirt after I finished the Pop Tart. Now, I don’t rub my mouth on my sleeve in public. Just here at home, and not even when Todd is around. We use cloth napkins at dinner, for God’s sake. But in the home office, anything goes. And let me tell you, that Revlon really knows how to make a long lasting lipcolor. This is Revlon’s “ColorStay Overtime” in “Endless Spice”. Maybe they should call it Overnight, not Overtime. He he.

One might wonder why I even had make up on in the first place? Well, I’ll get to that – I got my hair cut yesterday and can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror for an hour straight without a little color on my cheeks and lips. I mean, who wants to look at that?

Let’s see, that pretty much covers my outfit. I’m also barefoot, bra-less, and thankful that my panties are white and not showing through my white PJ’s wth some crazy pattern or “TUESDAY TUESDAY TUESDAY” written all over them. Couldn’t have that. It’s Thursday, for Christ’s sake.

I’ve still got on my very very thick, coke-bottle style glasses. “Giving my eyes a rest from the contacts”. Or, perhaps, just too lazy to put the contacts in. I got my hair cut yesterday around 6:00. So it was washed, dried, and styled quite nicely last night before bed. Well, I learned this morning that the wispy section of long bangs that my new, wonderful stylist (who looks just like Rachel Bilson, I swear) gave me might turn out to be more annoying than beautiful. I told her, “As long as they fit into a ponytail!” But they’re falling down. So I had to put on Todd’s old, red (almost pink from thorough washing) sweat band that reads ‘SPORT’ across it. It goes great with the outfit, I think. And it serves a practical purpose – it’s holding back that hair I got cut for no reason. I never fix it anyway. Here’s a shot of the extremely helpful sweat band that is helping me to keep my sanity today. You can even see those bangs hanging back there in a distance, out of my face.

At first, I thought I was too embarassed to try to take a full shot of all of this and then post it on the Web site. Then I thought that there’s really no way you can truly appreciate the beauty that is ME working from home without it. Jack wanted to be in the picture as well.
Full Throttle

If you look closely, you can see that there’s some mascara under my eyes, it really frames them well behind the glasses, I think. Jack loves me like this, you can tell from the look on his face, can’t you? Is being pregnant a good excuse for not having the energy to get dressed and showered every morning? I’m dead-ass tired. And three months pregnant today. 🙂 Thank you, Jesus, for getting us past this first trimester.