Lead Balloon

November 28, 2007, 4:47 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Today is Wednesday. I go back to work on Monday. The time feels like it’s ticking away like a bomb. I don’t want it to end. Actually, I’d be okay with going back to work if Natalie could stay home with me. If someone could come here to stay with her and keep her…But we’ve not stumbled across an option that works out that way. So on Monday morning I take her to her “school” and drop her off, and likely drive home in tears, pull into the driveway, and call my doctor for a prescription for some sort of sedative. Happy pills, if you will.

Before we had Natalie I thought that changing poopy diapers would be the worst part of having a baby. Many of you probably wondered if I’d survive parenthood, given my own poop issues. Now I wonder what I will do if Natalie’s poop schedule stays such that she takes her poops during the hours that she’s at “school” and not at home with me. Her poop face is something that I look forward to every day, once a day. Some days, it happens twice, but that’s a very rare gem. Now someone else will get to watch her poop and get such a kick out of it. And I know they will. It’s priceless. I want that kick! I don’t mind the smell, the mess! I want that poop! It’s such a perfect poop.

This last week home is not what I expected. Todd took the week off as well, and we’ve been looking forward to this week for a while. But Natalie and I came down with a nasty cold on Monday and it’s still lingering. She doesn’t have it as bad as I do, but either way – it makes you feel like crap and like locking yourself indoors for a few days. So we’re pretty much confined here. And the truth is, I don’t mind it, if it means keeping ONE MORE PERSON well and germ-free. It should be against the law to spread your cold and flu germs with others. I’ve never been so aware of germs in my life, and I was pretty neurotic about it with my OCD in the first place. So now I’m in big trouble.

Today I talked on the phone with a longtime friend who I’ve not talked to since Natalie was born. I realized at the end of the conversation with him that most of what I had to say had to do with a Fisher-Price product or Natalie’s latest bodily functions or noises. I still have opinions on current events, I still have strong convictions. I”m following the presidential primary races. I’m concerned about my family, friends, loved ones. I’d just rather talk about the way she smiles at me and how she recognizes and reaches for the bird on her bouncy seat now. And I’m okay with that, of course. She is our life now, and that’s really rad.

The other thing I thought would be hard is the middle-of-the-night feeding. Not so much. It’s hard getting out of bed. Right when I hear her, it takes me a little bit to wake up and stumble from our room to hers. But when I see her and pick up her warm, cuddly little body…I’m just fine with being right there, at that moment. Even when she’s screaming…which is not that often…I’m okay with it. I know it will end as soon as that bottle is warmed and in her mouth. And those quiet, late night feedings are just so sweet. All of that being said…while it seems that the late night feedings aren’t a big deal, I think that maybe I’m just not aware of the toll they take on me and my mental state. There are, after all, times that I’ve snapped at my loved ones for something pretty insignificant…or times that I’ve not really been “present” for conversations…or those times that I’ve not brought my “A Game” to a conversation and unknowingly stuck my foot in my mouth so far and not realized it until a few hours later. This has happened. More than once.

Really, though, watching someone grow right before your eyes is an amazing thing. And I’m going to talk to Natalie about not growing during those hours that she’s at “school” and I’m at work. And when I have to start traveling again, I’m going to put her in our freezer so that all of her cells stop growing. Then I’ll get home and take her out with a couple of chicken breasts. Let them all thaw, cook up some dinner and smother her with my kisses once she’s not icy and I don’t run the risk of hurting my lips. This is my plan for now.

Attached is a picture that one of us caught of her huge, toothless grin. She looks like an old man whose dentures are wrapped in a Kleenex in his pocket instead of in his mouth. The best part of this picture is that she’s also trying to laugh and has likely just let out the biggest snort known to 8 week-olds. So cute.

Have a lovely day.


2 Comments so far
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This is my screensaver picture at work right now. What a cutie! Monday will be hard, just give yourself some time to get used to not being that stay-at-home mommy and you will do fine…and so will she.
Hugs to you all – hm

Comment by Big Sis

DITTO on it all from your big sis

Comment by muthadeah

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