Lead Balloon

The Pull of the Moon
January 25, 2008, 2:24 pm
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My boobs are not the same anymore. It’s just the truth, and I feel the need to write about it. It’s been on my mind for the past few days because yesterday I was forced to create a posting on Craigslist.org to sell two brand new dresses I bought from JCrew.com. I bought them online because I was having a hard time making it to the mall the week of my friend Mary’s wedding. I did all my Christmas shopping online for the same reason, and that turned out to be successful, so I thought, WHY NOT!? I even bought them in a size larger than I would normally wear.

Neither of them fit. Not because my body is too big, I could get the dresses on my actual person. (I would have thrown myself onto my bathroom floor and cried for four days, refusing food and water and self-medicating with gin straight from the bottle if that were the case.) And it wasn’t because my boobs are too big, necessarily. It’s because my boobs packed up their shit in their “Going to Grandma’s” suitcase and took residence a couple inches south on my torso.

This wouldn’t be such a bad thing, if I didn’t like my boobs so much the way they were. I really liked them. Along with the fact that I am not in any way prone to foot odor, I thought my boobs were one of my best characteristics. Everything else, I hate and am completely self conscious about…But the boobs were fine. Many women don’t like theirs. But I liked mine. They were the right size, the right shape…They were just right.

So that brings me to this…There are a lot of things that the books don’t tell you when you’re reading about pregnancy. Lots of books have one of those “pregnancy myths” sections where they try to debunk the rumors that negative, pissy, bitter pregnant women put out about how awful pregnancy is. And let me be the first to tell you – a lot of women like to complain about it. It’s a wonder that anyone ever gets pregnant! (Assuming that the actual pains of pregnancy and childbirth are a deterrent to having unprotected sex. Ha!) But I truly enjoyed pregnancy. I loved the way I felt and how I looked. I loved it.

It’s POST-pregnancy that sucks. If you didn’t have a precious baby to show for that Jello-mold of a body you’re left with…No one would do it. So anyway, the books always state the question, “Will my breasts be the same, should I decide to breastfeed?!!?” And the book always answers….”YES, they go back to normal, nothing to worry about! Carry on, mate!”


And I didn’t even breastfeed. (I know, the horror!)

Anyway. The dresses had this shape and style that required that my boobs be all perked up into what feels like my larynx…And no amount of tape or squeezing was going to cut it. Because we all know I won’t do anything in the name of style that requires that kind of effort. I’d love to say that’s because I’m a mom now, and I don’t have the time to really focus on style and trends. But the truth is, I just don’t give a shit. I am not a fashionista.

Thankfully, that’s one of the reasons Todd loves me. That, and my awesome taste in socks. I’m too afraid to ask him what he thinks of the new ta-ta’s. He spent the entire nine months of my pregnancy saying to my stomach, “Come OUT little baby, I want to play with you!”

I guess some hobbies are just simply replaced with new ones.


On “The Amazing Race”…
January 17, 2008, 10:59 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Nate and Jen, a couple we think are so fun to watch — their tempers, their love/hate relationship. Well, they got kicked off last night.

But that’s not the funny part. When they arrived in Taiwan…and Nate said, “Taiwan…well, we like Thai food…”

Reality TV is so awesome.

The Price of Things
January 14, 2008, 3:29 pm
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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about “things”. Things that cost money, things that, for many people are a status symbol. The type of purse you carry, the car you drive, your home, your shoes. And I’ve come to realize, it’s all relative. And it’s all pretty much watered-down these days.

Todd and I talk sometimes about cars. Neither of us is a car fanatic. These conversations usually happen while we’re in the car, on the road, “I really like that car.” Or, “I really hate the shape of that Honda Element.” Or, “Give that asshole driving the Hummer the finger, will you?” We’re terrible about buying cars, we don’t research. We don’t visit 10 different dealerships and play the game. We just go somewhere, look at the cars, and get one. At least that has been our experience as a couple thus far.

Yesterday we drove alongside a Chevy truck (at least I think it was a Chevy), whose driver had basically stripped the truck of its own identity and given it a new one. In its new life and identity, it was a Cadillac truck. It had (what one can only assume are stolen, or maybe black market purchases) Cadillac symbols all over it. One on the grill, one on the back tailgate, on the side windows…You couldn’t, however, deny that the teal-green color of the truck was definitely Chevrolet. Or maybe GMC, I’m not sure. One of the two. Not a color Cadillac carries, I don’t believe. The truck also had a Cadillac-style steering wheel – shiny and woodgrain. Some leather looking seats.

Is a Cadillac-inspired Chevy truck a status symbol? Assuming, of course, that a Cadillac truck is a status symbol, itself. It’s all relative. One would think that it IS, given that this person put a lot of effort into morphing his truck into a Caddy.

During the same drive home, we passed a Land Rover, and then the Land Rover dealership. For some reason, I just love the old body-style Land Rovers. The new ones look like they’re made for a rap star, lots of bling and fine lines, not so rugged. But the old ones remind me of going on Safari. And that’s why I like them. I don’t think they are a status symbol in any way…while it is an expensive car, that’s not why I like it. I’d likely never buy this car simply because I’ve heard from a friend that a car seat can’t fit comfortably in the back seat. Your priorities change, you see. But I like the “boxy” shape of it, I think. I just like it.

Todd puts the Land Rover in the same category as the Hummer. And for those of you who read this blog regularly, I don’t have to tell you how either of us feels about the Hummer. But relative to relativity, he says the Hummer is an army vehicle that has been “dummied down” for people in the burbs to drive on regular streets and to drop their small children off at school, wherein they have to use a step-stool of some sort to actually get the kids in and out of the vehicle. Perhaps an electronic “lift” typically reserved for handicap-accessible vehicles. He says the Land Rover is the same – a “dummied down” version of a Safari-terrain vehicle. Modified for the same city drivers, with the same, awful gas guzzling engine, in our burbs and on our city streets. And he thinks that both vehicles are status symbols, simply because of their price tag.

I disagree, only because I like the Land Rover. 🙂 It’s just all relative to where you’re coming from in your like/dislike or gravitation toward a particular thing. Your motives, if you will.

Watered Down
Now comes my two cents on the purses, the cars the homes…all that jazz.

I have to say, first, that I love good quality things. I truly believe that you get what you pay for. I think, for example, that a good pair of shoes is hard to come by, and that typically, if I spend a little more, they’re a little easier on my dogs. I like nice things. I’m not saying, by typing any of this, that I’m above or immune to being drawn to or purchasing trendy or expensive things.

BUT. For people who like these types of things for the status they carry, I also know that there are as many people out there carrying a knock-off purse as there are people with the real thing. Some would say, “I can tell if it’s real or not.” Who cares!?!?? Any time there is a trend, there is a reciprocal lower-priced version of it available immediately. And suddenly, the importance placed on those items by those people who spent their last paycheck on this nice thing is watered down.

The same is true for the cars we drive. Some might say they want a particular car because of the quality of that car…Some people would flat-out admit that they want the higher-priced, nicer cars because they’ve worked hard and they deserve it. It’s a status symbol, after all. Whatever our reasons for wanting or getting a really nice, high-priced car…it doesn’t matter. Because if our motives ARE in any way to have the best…for others to see…it’s fruitless these days. Any car dealer can get anybody into any car for anything. With the leasing programs that are out there, everyone’s fair game when it comes to auto dealers targeting us and piquing our interests in these fancy-schmancy cars. In other words, just because you can afford and drive a Lexus…doesn’t mean that someone with a salary of $25,000 a year can’t afford one or doesn’t have one, too. So, what does that mean for those who place a significant amount of importance in the fact that they CAN afford those cars? I’m not sure.

Do you think the number of knock-offs or the ease of getting into a new, expensive car waters down the significance of those nice things to some people? I don’t know. I think what I’ve found the most interesting is coming across people who really do HAVE the money to buy luxurious things…But they still get the knock-offs. That’s the best.

Mostly, I hate that I tend to gravitate toward things that are more expensive, even before knowing their price or their place in the world. I’ve often thought about the idea of going into a mall and having a stylist bring me 10 purses, 10 outfits, and 10 pairs of shoes, all with the labels and price tags removed. Would I choose the most expensive? Would I find, after knowing the brands of the items, that I would prefer the “better brands”, even if I’d picked the cheap stuff in the first place? Who knows! I’d like to see, though. I’d like to test the importance I place in material things, for sure.

A Churchy Weekend for the Luckeys
January 14, 2008, 11:07 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

We had yet another busy, busy weekend. On Saturday we drove to my hometown for my great Aunt’s funeral which was held in the church I attended when I was a kid. Lots of memories in that church, including going there with my grandmother, who was on the Altar Guild, to prepare the church for mass on Sunday when I was a little girl. I remember sitting on the floor of the sacristy and eating several pieces of the “host”. Unblessed, of course. The last time I was in that church, it was for my grandmother’s funeral. The place still smells the same, looks the same, feels the same.

My aunt’s memorial was truly a beautiful service – you could tell she directed every piece of it – the hymns, the readings. Beginning with the beautiful music her grandchildren played as you entered the church and ending with a bagpiper playing “Amazing Grace” as we all filed out of the church and entered the columbarium where her ashes were placed. I don’t know of anyone else who could have directed and orchestrated such a beautiful service as Aunt Jane. We’ll all miss her for sure.

We drove back Saturday night to prepare for Natalie’s baptism on Sunday. It, too, was a lovely service and she was perfect throughout – no crying or fussing through the service or the baptism itself. She doesn’t seem to mind the “bells and smells” that accompany a high mass…I was so proud, and relieved! She’s really such a good, good baby. We’re so fortunate, in so many ways. Friends and family brought food for a great reception after the service – overall it was a great day for us as a family to share the time with our loved ones. Pictures below…

Natalie’s Godparents

Luckey Family – Baptism

Mama and Nat

Natalie – Bejeweled

I hope the photos come through, and I hope you also had a nice weekend.